there must be an angel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kekwQdMG3QU
*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FkHEjiuYBuM


there is a crack in me




my mom fell in love again.. this time it's someone that's well worth the trouble.. this time it's the father figure i never even dared to hope for.. if i'm relating to her former lovers, i'm deep in shit. it has come to my knowledge that her taste in men that's so far been the poorest has met its better luck. it is true that i can't remotely put forth a natural and full comfort towards the new state of things, firstly because of my skeptical nature (constantly pandered by my natural father's bad choices and failure to oblige to his sacred duties) and more because life has a funny way of putting the fortunate one on the spot, like only misery scattered with thin suggestions of mere snug is the only option out there to our senses. my new dada displays as an over-sensitive (over as in INHUMANLY sensitive, angelic almost, overwhelmingly kind and gentle, noble and urbane), intelligent, sharp minded and intuitive, opened and humanitarian, understanding and patient, beautiful being, fun and funny, such a gentleman.

i woke up this morning dreaming strangely about my mom's phone..in the other room mom was thinking about her man when the phone rang..it was him.. listening her talk to him, which, by the way, sounds something like "yes darling, oh, darling, sure, oh but i love you my dearest, oh, yes, now that you've settled that in, we'll be able to talk more at ease, mostly think of you, sweet one, love you a million times, of course i've taken my rest, you don't worry" got my thinking up to the tears.. i have to admit they're a bit cheesy at times, but that's maybe because i've never had a shot like that to being embellished with kindness, and even if i THINK i have an ache, he'd be there the next minute to see to it that i'm better or at least he's there with me in spirits. he calls me "little mosquito" and sometimes "beautiful petal". (..) do you know what it's like to bear the burden of a rotten father, that really reacts when it comes to his immediate interests and selfish needs? do you know what it is to feel compelled into

creating lies so
that you
don't
despair from the truth?

do you know how it's been eating me from the inside? to have to overcome the
demon
of
apathy?

do you know how i tremble in the face of joy?


I'm teasin' my mom.. "can you start to realize how i love, love you?"
"motion granted. love away"




^ I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOIN' ON ^